Snipits and Tidbits

So...Things...

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 17:02:01 GMT

Work is horrid.

I haven't updated in ages. Too. Much. Work. Hoping it will slow down soon. Ten hour days and weekends are not for me. Yes, it's paying for games, comics, anime, random blu-ray purchase, and even an imported PS3 (FFXIII special edition baby!!!! Lighting is HOT! Plus we're complete FF fangirls so getting the game like six months early, ROCKS! I can't help it, yes I am excited. The nearly ten minute trailer brought me right back in, even with all my bitching about Enix and how long this game has been in production.)

All the work doesn't leave a ton of free time though. My comic backlog is nearly two months, three in some cases. We only managed to finish one of the...fourteen shows we were watching last season. At least three episodes behind on everything, up to six on some. And hey, as the seasons never stop, we're already behind on the fall, even with fewer shows. My game backlog...has always existed so that isn't something to I can point to work as a cause.

There are a ton of games coming out over the next few quarters. Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2, Uncharted 2, and Demon's Souls have already arrived. Borderlands, Modern Warfare 2, Assassin's Creed 2, and Dragon Age: Origins have all been preordered. We also finally picked some stuff up off PSN and XBLA. Way behind the times I know but Braid, Shadow Complex, Geometry Wars Evolved 2, and Defense Grid: The Awakening on XBLA and WipeOUt HD, Super Stardust HD, Crystal Defenders, Savage Moon, and Pixel Junk Monsters on PSN. Al has devoted most of her time to WipeOUt and Super Stardust (leaving Arkham Asylum in the dust!) She tends to game more than me, even if I'm the one to purchase a lot of the games. I horde. We know this. However, I have logged around 10 hours in Demon's Souls so far. I actually beat the first boss and am able to level up now which I never thought I'd get around to. Most of my time has been spent griding to level Natsuki (my Wanderer from the North) up. It's hard game. I spent the entire first level dead but have cleaned it out several times now alive. The game is a lot more fun alive because, hey, you aren't fighing at half HP.

I've also gotten back into PC gaming. Not new PC gaming. Mostly games from the 90s that I played at one point and never owned. I've started No One Lives Forever. Through the tutorial and into the first mission. I bailed out on Deus Ex because the game was running in double time and I need to fix some settings and hadn't gotten around to it. I also ran the tutorial in Half-Life again. I reinstalled Icewind Dale. I've got Diablo, Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magick Obscura, the Baldur's Gate Collection, the Thief Collection, and the Fallout Collection coming in the mail and Al bought me the Diablo II Battlechest. Classis Action RPG goodness.

The portable systems haven't gotten much love even though I've picked up several games. I did start Devil Survivor on the DS but I've not logged more than an hour or so in it.

Other than that, there's football (not American), hockey, even a little baseball with the Yanks in the ALCS. My Rangers are off to a blazing start. I'm very excited about this new team. I'm especially excited about my young defensemen. Del Zotto and Gilroy both have looked very good. Madrid is one point behind Barcelona for tops in La Liga. Liverpool is...not doing very well.

Finally, I'm actually plotting out a story with Al's help. I've completed the outlines for the first three arcs. I just need to finish up the fourth arc. I'm also writing bits as I go along. I'm really excited about this idea I've got and am looking forward to having more time to sit down and really start writing it.

And, I think that's a wrap. Seriously, it's been a lot of work. Boring, I know. I've still got twelve days of vacation that we're planning to take mostly in December so that will be a lot of free time!

NANA

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 04:31:47 GMT

So I've been gone for ages. Still working OT. Working OT until October now, at least.

But, I've managed to finally finish a series that I'd heard nothing but good things about. Seriously, so many good things. And you think "no way it can be that good." Because you know things never live up to the hype. I'd tried to watch it before. I'd managed to sit through the first 2 episodes twice and then Hachi drove me nuts. But I was determined because everyone loves this series. So I tried again. And then I got maybe 10 episodes in, probably not even 10, more like 7 or 8, and I knew. This wasn't that good, it was better.

What can I say about NANA? It was 47 episodes. A random number I know. They came to the end of the published manga at the time and stopped. Because you don't fill the space with this series while you're waiting for the next chapter. It would be a huge disservice. Perhaps, the greatest compliment I can give NANA is this: it's the anime (and probably the manga though I've not read it yet) that you show to people and say "Look, it's not all giant robots and magical girls. It's real life too." And it is, perhaps as real as you can get. So real that it hurts all the time. It's not a hopeful show. It's a show about how life is sacrifice, that we so rarely get to live out our dreams. We compromise. We give up on the things we want because of the things we need. We settle. Or we don't and we steal happiness from ourselves because we're afraid, or we're proud. That's NANA. Every single character has to sacrifice. Every single character exchanges their dreams for comfort, or because it's all they can do. They survive. They hurt each other. They hurt themselves. They don't say the things that need to be said. It's real life, and it sucks.

So why do I love NANA? Because it's real. Sure, it's horrible and painful and you just know, deep down, that no one will be happy in the end. But it's so rare that any form of entertainment manages to capture humanity so well, so honestly. And you love these characters. You cheer for them. You cry with them. You ache for them. You want to rage at them when you know they're being stubborn and stupid. You know them. In every character, you see facets of yourself, of your friends, people you've known. They're all there. In Nana, in Hachi, in Nobu, in Shin, in Yasu, in Ren, in Takumi, in Reira.

I could tell you the stories. I could lay out their lives. But everyone should experience it for themselves. It's magical. 47 episodes and every single one was necessary. Every single one was worth it.

I can't tell you how it made me feel. The complexity of emotions, it's impossible for me to talk about it. You feel this show. It broke my heart in the end, the weight of it all. But it was more than worth it. I don't know that I can say it's the best series I've ever seen. There are shows like Haibane Renmei that compete. But that's a different sort of show and comparing them would be unfair to both. I could sit right back down and watch it all again. I could watch it in one sitting. It's that good.

No.

It's better.

So much better.

Wow

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 13:33:03 GMT

Just go watch it.

A Minor Miracle

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 01:35:06 GMT

So apparently I was frustrated enough that I sad down and finished the Christmas story I started in mid December.

I realize this is very late but I might as well post it.

This is my first complete work. It's not very long but it's a start. I suppose it is only right that I should actually manage a whole story about these two. They quickly became my favorite and I don't really see anyone who can knock them out of that top spot.

I don't promise greatness. I'm happy with parts, satisfied on the whole. I think these two deserve much more than I can give them and there are authors out there who are providing it. Still, this is my offering.

Much love and thanks to the love of my life. It's not easy for me to let anyone beta my work. Thank you.

Is Love Alive?

A Holiday Tale About Overcoming Fear and Uncertainty

(Disclaimer: All HiME belongs to Sunrise)

"So this is Christmas," Natsuki murmured to no one in particular.

"And what have you done," a soft Kyoto-ben responded.

Natsuki whirled around to face the sudden intrusion, her jaw slack.

"Shizuru...you know the Beatles," she stuttered at last.

A soft laugh followed by the response.

"Ara, Natsuki doesn't know everything about me."

The raven-haired girl blushed and turned away.

"Baka. It just doesn't seem like your type of music is all. And anyway, since when are you back in Fuuka?"

Another giggle as Shizuru's smile widened.

"That was a quick change of subject Natsuki, but very well. I have just returned actually. My train arrived a little over an hour ago."

"And you came out here," Natsuki questioned.

"I wanted to see you. I stopped by your apartment but you were not there. I thought you might be here."

The emerald-eyed girl smiled at this.

"You could've just called my cell you know. I would've picked you up at the station."

Shizuru's eyes twinkled mischievously.

"As much as I love riding so close to Natsuki, I did not wish to inconvenience her."

There was a small choking sound from her companion and Shizuru could not help but giggle again.

"Ba..baka," the furiously blushing girl shouted. "Leave it to you to make such a remark." And, after a moment, much more quietly, "You could never be an inconvenience you know."

Shizuru's smile softened as Natsuki turned to meet her gaze.

"Ookini Natsuki. That is very kind of you to say, but all the same, I preferred not to disturb your routine more than was overly necessary."

Natsuki rolled her eyes and pulled Shizuru into a surprisingly tight embrace.

"Baka. I've missed you, you know," she whispered into flaxen hair.

Crimson eyes widened a fraction at this revelation. A moment passed before she responded.

"I have missed my Natsuki as well. Very much."

---

“Say Shizuru,” Natsuki began when they had both settled onto her sofa, “isn’t your family expecting you home for the holidays?”

“Does Natsuki wish to be rid of me so soon? And after she just confessed to having missed me.”

“That’s not what I said at all!” Natsuki cried. “I just thought that you would be expected home is all.”

Attempting not to giggle at her friends’ outburst, Shizuru replied, “If Natsuki says that is all she meant, I will believe her.”

“Damn straight,” her companion growled, earning a chuckle from the crimson-eyed woman.

“My parents will not be expecting me until the New Year. Why, did Natsuki have something in mind for Christmas?”

This question sent the raven-haired girl into a fit of coughing and Shizuru could not help but grin.

“Ara, that cough does not sound good. Does Natsuki need a glass of water?”

Emerald eyes glared at her in response.

“Whatever is that look for? I am only concerned for Natsuki’s well-being,” Shizuru continued innocently.

“Like hell,” Natsuki finally managed to choke out.

Shizuru’s expression grew pained.

“Natsuki does not think I am concerned for her?”

“GAH,” the raven-haired girl raged, leaping up from the sofa. “Why is it that I can never say anything you can’t manage to turn against me?!”

“If Natsuki were not so cute when she is flustered it would not be so enticing,” Shizuru responded with a mischievous smile.

“I…you…why…”

“Yes,” her companion asked sweetly.

Natsuki collapsed back onto the couch with a sigh.

“I give up. You win okay?”

For the first time that evening, Shizuru did not look at her when she answered.

“If Natsuki says…”

---

It was much later when Natsuki finally got around to asking the question that had been on her mind since first hearing Shizuru’s voice at the cliff.

“Ne Shizuru, why didn’t you call me?”

Shizuru looked up from her tea, confusion clouding her crimson orbs.

“I told Natsuki. I did not wish to disturb her.”

Natsuki sighed.

“That’s not what I meant. I haven’t heard from you since the summer. Not even a text.”

She was looking down at her hands as she said this.

“Natsuki, kannin na. It has been a very busy semester between my course work and student council obligations. I did not mean to lose touch.”

Natsuki looked at her then, her emerald eyes shining.

“I thought…maybe…maybe you had forgotten about me.”

The flaxen-haired girl drew in a breath then reached out, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Natsuki’s ear.

“Forget you. Natsuki, I could never.”

She held the girl’s gaze as she said this, wanting to convey the seriousness of her statement. Natsuki looked at her uncertainly, then away again.

“Of course it was a silly thought. You have so many obligations at university. It was foolish of me to think it was anything else. And besides, it’s not like we have to talk all the time or even that often. I know you have other friends, new friends, admirers, dates…”

Natsuki’s ramblings were cut short by the sound of Shizuru’s laughter.

“Oi, what’s so funny,” the raven-haired girl demanded.

“Natsuki thinks I am going out on dates so frequently that I could not call her?”

Shizuru continued to laugh as Natsuki stammered and flushed.

“Well, I mean…you were always so popular in high school and of course you’re a beautiful woman. Anyone would be crazy not to take an interest and it’s only reasonable that you would accept requests from time to time isn’t it?”

Shizuru stopped laughing and fixed Natsuki with such a strange stare that it caused her to repeat her question.

“Well, isn’t it Shizuru?”

Her companion did not answer right away. She continued staring at Natsuki with that look she could not decipher and it was making her decidedly uncomfortable.

“Shizuru? What is it? Did I say something wrong?”

Finally, the crimson-eyed woman responded.

“Natsuki really thinks that is true?”

“What,” Natsuki asked, “that it only makes sense that you would be dating now?”

Shizuru still had that odd look on her face as she replied.

“No, Natsuki’s reasons for why I would be dating now.”

The raven-haired girl thought a moment, then a blush rose in her cheeks and she looked down at the floor.

“I, well, of course I do. I said it didn’t I?”

It was gruff and Natsuki’s eyes would not budge from the floor but it made Shizuru smile all the more for it.

“Ookini. That is very sweet. But what Natsuki says is not true. I have not been dating since arriving at university.”

Natsuki looked up, eyes wide.

“Really,” she asked a bit too loudly. “I mean, well of course, you’re so busy with school work and the student council. But surely you’ve been asked.”

The flaxen-haired woman smiled at this.

“Yes, it is as Natsuki says.”

At this affirmation, her companion nodded.

“Of course it is.”

She was smiling as she said this though it did not quite reach her eyes.

“And what of Natsuki?”

“Ehhh,” came the surprised response.

“Has Natsuki been seeing anyone special? Since she has taken such an interest in my personal life, I feel it is only right that I also be concerned with hers.”

There was mirth in this statement and Natsuki could not help but feel that she was being teased.

“Shizuru, I wasn’t trying to pry. I mean, I just haven’t talked to you in a while and well, I feel like I don’t know what’s going on in your life anymore.”

Shizuru’s smile warmed her and Natsuki could feel the blush creeping up her neck once more.

“Natsuki is welcome to ask anything of me she wishes.” There was a pause and then Shizuru’s smile turned into a grin. “However, it would seem that Natsuki did not even answer the one question I asked of her.”

“Wha,” the raven-haired girl began before recalling Shizuru’s question. “Oh, that. No, I haven’t been seeing anyone.”

“Ara, not even Takeda-kun. If I recall, he was quite taken with you.”

“Shizuru,” her friend cut her off, exasperation evident in her tone. “You know I told him I wasn’t interested.”

Shizuru was smiling playfully and Natsuki just sighed at her again.

“Of course Natsuki. Kannin na. I only wanted to be sure nothing had changed. As you say, we have been out of touch for some time now.”

The emerald-eyed girl shook her head, eying her friend.

“And whose fault is that ne?”

At this, Shizuru sniffed.

“Ara, is Natsuki angry with me?”

She turned away from Natsuki then, her shoulders shaking slightly.

“Oi,” Natsuki panicked, reaching for Shizuru’s shoulder. “Gomen. Of course I’m not angry with you. I just wish we had been able to talk more is all.”

When Shizuru turned to face her again, she was grinning.

“That is good. I could not stand for Natsuki to be angry with me.”

The raven-haired girl groaned and rolled her eyes. Flipping on the TV, she fell back against her couch cushions.

“You haven’t changed a bit have you Shizuru?”

As Shizuru shifted to a more comfortable position, she replied softly.

“Not in the ways which matter Natsuki.”

---

"You want me to teach you how to make a Christmas cake?"

Natsuki nodded as Mai eyed her with thinly veiled curiosity.

"You want me to teach you how to make a Christmas cake?"

"Damn it Mai, yes," Natsuki exclaimed.

Still perplexed (and certainly intrigued) Mai pressed the issue.

"Why?"

Natsuki looked at the floor, shoved her hands deeper into the pockets of her hoodie, then met Mai's gaze.

"I just thought it would be nice to know how."

Mai was beginning to smile now.

"You thought it would be nice to know how?"

Natsuki glared at her.

"Are you going to repeat every damn thing I say?"

Mai chuckled.

"I'm sorry it's just that, in all the time I've known you, you've never expressed even the slightest interest in learning how to cook anything. Now, suddenly, you want to bake a Christmas cake."

A blush was creeping its way onto Natsuki's face.

"Yes."

The smile on Mai's face grew into a full-fledged grin.

"Who is it for?"

Natsuki choked.

"I knew it!" Mai cried triumphantly.

"Come now Natsuki, who is it that has you wanting to learn to bake a cake on December 23rd?"

"N...no," Natsuki stammered, "it isn't like that!"

Mai shot her a knowing look.

"Natsuki, Christmas cakes are generally shared between couples."

Natsuki sighed and closed her eyes.

"Alright, alright" Mai murmured finally, sensing her friend’s discomfort, "what sort of cake did you want to make?"

A small smile of gratitude let her know that Natsuki appreciated the change of subject.

"I don't know. I don't really know anything about Christmas cakes."

Mai's eyes lit up.

"Well," she began excitedly as she moved to her refrigerator, "there is this great recipe I've been wanting to try out."

---

"Do you think it will be alright," Natsuki asked.

"What, oh, the cake. Of course it will. I walked you through every single step. It will be fine.

Why are you so worried about it?"

Natsuki shifted.

"I'm not worried about it. I just don't want my first experience to be a failure."

Mai stared at her, disbelieving.

"What," Natsuki barked.

"You've asked me four different times now if I think that cake will come out alright."

Natsuki frowned.

"It was not four times."

Snickering, Mai recounted each incarnation of the question for Natsuki who flushed a deeper shade of red with each retelling.

"Well...it...I...” the green-eyed girl fumed while her friend just giggled.

"Natsuki, really, you don't have to tell me who it's for. But come now, it is for someone isn't it?"

The raven-haired girl turned from Mai, her shoulders slumping.

"I just...I wanted to give...” But she couldn't bring herself to say it.

A warm hand was on her shoulder.

"I didn't know the kaichou was in town."

Natsuki's sharp breath confirmed Mai's suspicions and as her friend turned to meet her gaze, she smiled warmly.

"Shizuru-san will love the cake."

"Mai, I...” But the redhead cut her off.

"She always cared a great deal for you. It was obvious you were very important to her."

There was a pause and Mai fixed Natsuki with a gaze that spoke of silent understanding.

"You care for her a great deal as well ne?"

Natsuki flushed again, dropping her eyes.

"I...yeah."

Mai pulled her into a hug.

"She’ll love the cake Natsuki. She’ll love it."

---

“Yes otou-san, of course I will be home for the New Year. I just stopped off in Fuuka to see some old friends.”

Shizuru had been on the phone with her father for the better part of an hour now. He’d asked about her classes, about her student council duties, about her friends, and now, for the third time, whether she would be home for the New Year.

“I just want to make sure. You know how your okaa-san gets about these things.”

Shizuru laughed.

“Of course otou-san. I certainly would not want to get you into any trouble with okaa-san. You make enough of that for yourself.”

At this statement, they both laughed.

“That is too true Shi-chan. So, how are you finding Fuuka?”

“Well. I have been fortunate enough to speak with several friends from the academy, including some members of the student council.”

“Indeed. And what about the other?”

There was a pause.

“I did see her.”

“And?”

Another pause.

“She appears to be doing well.”

An exasperated sigh came across the line.

“Shi-chan…”

Shizuru allowed the silence to continue a moment.

“Yes otou-san?”

“You know quite well what I’m asking you young lady?”

Yet another pause.

“It is the same otou-san.”

“Silly child,” her father chided, clucking his tongue. “Honestly I don’t know what to do with either of you.”

“It is not as if I expected things to change otou-san,” Shizuru murmured.

“That did not stop you from going to Fuuka to see her.”

Shizuru sighed.

“No, no it did not.”

Her father was silent a moment.

“Oh Shi-chan, you know I only want your happiness.”

A sad smile formed on Shizuru’s lips.

“I know.”

“Are you sure her feelings haven’t changed?”

Thinking back to last nights conversation, Shizuru replied, “She assumed I would be seeing someone at university.”

“Ah. I assume you told her you were not?”

“I did.”

“And, what was her response?”

The crimson-eyed girl smiled at the memory.

“She was shocked actually. She said she thought that someone as beautiful as me would have numerous offers to consider.”

Her father laughed at this.

“Well at least she’s a bright girl. But, Shi-chan, she said you were beautiful?”

Shizuru could hear the smile in his voice.

“Yes, yes she did.”

“Interesting,” her father continued “and did you ask her about that?”

“I did.”

“And?”

“When I asked her if she meant it, she blushed and stammered that of course she meant it as she had said it.”

When her father spoke again, Shizuru could practically see the grin on his face.

“Indeed. And what do you make of this?”

The flaxen-haired girl shook her head.

“Otou-san, it is Natsuki. I seldom know what to make of things like that.”

Her father sighed.

“It has been hard for you, I know. I don’t want you to be hurt again Shi-chan but…”

Shizuru knew what he was going to say.

“I know, but Natsuki knows of my feelings.”

“Does she,” her father questioned, “does she still?”

“Otou-san…”

“I know, I know. This old man just wants to see his only daughter happy for a change. Truly happy, Shizuru.”

Crimson eyes were bright with unshed tears.

“Ookini otou-san.”

“Just think it over Shi-chan. Only you know what she is worth.”

“I will.”

“Good girl. We’ll see you at New Year’s then?”

“Of course otou-san.”

She was about to hang up when her father spoke again.

“And, if you wanted to bring anyone along, you know we would be happy to…”

“Good night otou-san,” Shizuru said with exaggerated frustration.

When she hung up, she was smiling.

---

Natsuki had been practicing what she wanted to say for the past fifteen minutes. She'd crossed off things like "So Shizuru, do you wanna get together tomorrow evening," and "Hey so would you like to meet up tomorrow?" In fact, she had yet to come up with anything that pleased her. Finally she decided she would just bite the bullet and call her. Once she had her on the line she was sure the words would come.

One ring, two, three, four...

"Shit, of course it's going to voicemail."

"Moshimoshi. Fujino speaking."

Natsuki nearly dropped her phone.

"Goddamnit!"

Shizuru could hear fumbling and more muffled swearing.

"Gah! Gomen ne," Natsuki mumbled across the line, "I dropped my phone."

Warm laughter graced her ear and the scowl that had started to form deepened.

"Sure, sure laugh it up. And here I was calling to invite you over for Christmas Eve tomorrow."

The laughter trailed off.

"Ara, did Natsuki say she was calling to invite me over for Christmas Eve?"

There was a pause as Natsuki realized what she had just blurted out.

"Oh...well...uh...yeah. That's why I was calling."

She could hear the teasing smile on Shizuru's face when she replied.

"Natsuki wishes to spend Christmas Eve with me? Natsuki is aware of who Christmas Eve is generally reserved for is she not?"

The emerald-eyed girl could feel her face heating up but she pushed on anyway.

"Yes."

Crimson eyes widened.

"Is Natsuki asking me on a date?"

There was a choking sound across the line and Shizuru smiled.

"I'm asking you to spend Christmas Eve with me. Is that enough?"

Her voice was shaking and Shizuru knew better than to tease any longer.

"Of course Natsuki. Any time I get with you is precious, whatever the reason."

Natsuki released a breath she did not realize she had been holding.

"Okay."

She ran a hand through her raven locks.

"So...is seven ok for you?"

"Yes, seven will be good. Should I come over or..."

Natsuki cut her off.

"I'll pick you up. At seven. I'll pick you up at seven...if that's ok?"

Shizuru giggled.

"That will be fine. Should I wear anything particular?"

"What?"

"Well, I do not know Natsuki's plans and want to dress appropriately."

"Oh. Uh, no need for anything dressy. Just wear something comfortable."

"Very well Natsuki. I will see you tomorrow at seven then?"

"Yep," came the happy response. "I'll be there with bells on."

Another giggle.

"Well then I will listen out for Natsuki's arrival."

"Wha...oh." The blush was creeping up her neck again. "Not literally with bells on, you!"

Warm laughter filled her ears and Natsuki could not help but smile.

"Just be ready at seven okay? And wear something you can ride the Ducati in."

"Ara, I will certainly keep that in mind. Natsuki will help to keep me warm yes as it will be quite the cold ride?"

Natsuki's spluttering was all the response she needed.

"I will see you tomorrow Natsuki."

Her raven-haired friend had managed to collect herself enough to reply in kind.

"Yeah, tomorrow at seven."

As she was about to end the call, Shizuru's voice stopped her.

"Oh and Natsuki?"

"Hmmm?"

"Thank you."

When they hung up, they were both smiling.

---

Natsuki was there at 6:45. In truth she had arrived at 6:30 but could not bear to appear so overly anxious. If she was being honest with herself (which she rarely was) she had actually been driving around for half an hour before that. She did not know what she was doing. All she knew was that this could be the last time she got to see Shizuru and that bothered her very much, though she was unsure why.

Shizuru had been surprised to open the door and find Natsuki there fifteen minutes early.

"Ara."

Crimson eyes had searched her for a moment.

"This must truly be a special evening if Natsuki is arriving early."

Natsuki had scuffed the step with her boot and huffed.

"Baka. I just finished everything up a bit earlier than I had expected so I figured I might as well just come get you."

Shizuru smiled knowingly.

"If Natsuki says so."

"I do damnit. Are you rea..."

It was only then that Natsuki actually took in Shizuru's appearance and the sight left her speechless. It had been rare enough to see her friend in anything other than the kaichou uniform when they were in school. Occasionally she had seen her in kimono or yukata, and a few times she had seen her in more casual dress. Tonight though, she was wearing a lilac slip dress and her hair was done up in a loose knot with wisps of flaxen drifting down around her face. She looked stunning.

It was only when she felt a finger against the underside of her jaw that she remembered herself. Shizuru was grinning at her, crimson eyes glinting.

"I take it Natsuki approves?"

Even in the dim light from the street, Shizuru could see the blush on her friends face.

"I...you look...really nice," Natsuki finally stammered.

"Ookini Natsuki. It is kind of you to say."

And she winked at her.

The emerald-eyed girl shook her head.

"So, are you ready then?"

"Just let me grab my coat."

---

"You...baked?"

There was uncertainty in Shizuru's voice and Natsuki did not know whether to be offended or proud.

"I did. Well...Mai helped out a bit."

A smile curled Shizuru's lips at this.

"You asked Mai-san to help you bake a cake...for me?"

Natsuki looked down at her plate.

"Yeah," came the whispered response.

"Why?"

The silence stretched on with Natsuki continuing to stare at her plate.

"Natsuki?"

"I've missed you," the raven-haired girl rushed out. "So much. I never realized, until you weren't there, how big a part of my life you'd become. So when you came back...I...I wanted you to know."

Shizuru's eyes were wet. She cupped Natsuki's chin in her hand, lifting her head.

"I have missed my Natsuki too. Very much."

They sat like that for a long while, just looking at each other. Then Shizuru began to laugh, and soon, Natsuki followed suit.

"It has been too long," Shizuru murmured, picking up her cake.

"It has," Natsuki agreed.

"This is very good Natsuki."

The girl before her blushed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Eh, it's just a cake."

However, she found that Shizuru had fixed her with serious crimson eyes.

"It is not. Natsuki made this cake for us to share on Christmas Eve. It means a great deal to me."

Natsuki swallowed.

"Well, I'm glad you like it."

"I do Natsuki."

---

They ate the rest of the cake in silence. Natsuki was a bit surprised to discover that it was indeed good. Afterward, she took their plates to the kitchen to wash up.

"I'll be just a minute. Feel free to look around if you'd like."

Shizuru nodded and Natsuki made her way out of the room.

A few minutes later she returned to find Shizuru sitting by the window staring up at the sky. A light snow had started to fall and it looked very pretty against the darkening sky. But Natsuki was too distracted by the sight of her friend to notice. Looking at her in the moonlight, she realized she had never seen anyone so beautiful. Thinking back, she realized that she had always thought this but never given it voice. For the first time in her life, this did not scare her. She did not feel the urge to run away from it. Instead, she felt a warmth and a tightness in her chest, one she recognized from times past. It had always been there when Shizuru was around.

Until just now though, she had not understood it. She had always thought it was something bad, something to be feared. She did not connect with people. She did not feel. Feeling just led to heartache and she had certainly had her fill of that. But faced with the reality of losing Shizuru, she now understood that she could not afford to run from her feelings. The stakes were too high and, for once, she did not feel like playing.

She crossed the room and knelt in front of Shizuru, startling the girl from her thoughts.

"Natsuki," Shizuru asked, her eyes full of concern.

But then Natsuki was leaning in and stopping the question with her lips. It was the softest of touches, gentle but full of promise. When she pulled away, she was smiling.

"I love you. I think I always have. I was just too stupid and scared to let myself feel it before. But...I love you. Just, tell me that I haven't taken too lo..."

She never got to finish her question, but Shizuru's lips against hers told her everything she needed to know.

“Merry Christmas Shizuru,” Natsuki murmured against soft skin.

She felt the smile against her cheek, could not help but return it.

“Merry Christmas, my Natsuki.”

-fin-

Dear Book

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 23:55:26 GMT

So I really suck at this.

Honestly I'm not sure why I pay for this guy when I use it so little. Then I look at my pretty avs and I remember. *insert appropriate eye roll here*

Anyway, OT project at work = long hours every day of the week for the past month. I have discovered that I was not cut out for 70 hour work weeks. I missed my weekends. God did I miss them.

But, hopefully that is over. Of course that doesn't mean I'll be posting here anymore frequently but a girl can dream.

I still need to make a new mood theme...for like a year now.

I still need new avs to replace the Spencer, Ashley, and Spencer/Ashley ones I have. Seriously. Gabby is one of the most beautiful women in the world but I am so beyond done with everything surrounding that show.

Maria-sama is just the most fantastic and frustrating show ever. I am confounded by Touko's actions every single episode. When she turned down Yumi's rosary and afterward...I was unprepared for Yumi to fall apart in Sachiko's arms. That said, Kugimiya Rie is doing some incredible work as Touko. So far this season, she has been the stand out seiyuu for me.

RideBack has been phenominal...until episode 8 which served very little purpose for me. What they wanted to convey could have been done with a few simple shots but they chose instead to stretch it out over the whole episode making it feel overly long and lacking in story progression or character development. Still, all of the characters are so interesting and full of possibility. I just hope this show doesn't end up disappointing me.

I don't know why I'm still watching Kurokami as it continues to infuriate me with its cyclical main character. "I hate you for what you've done to me, get out of my life. Okay well maybe I feel bad watching you get the shit beat out of yourself just for me." Rewind and begin all over again each episode. And yet I keep coming back...

I'm so behind on White Album that it's hardly worth addressing. It's just a bit too odd for me I think even though I love the characters and think there is so much potential there.

I'm also behind on Sora wo Kake Shoujo but that's only because we just haven't gotten around to watching it. I know, it being a Sunrise show, that it will take a dark turn soon and everyone will be in great danger and characters I love will die. It's quirky, but in a fun way. The cast is massive and we've hardly seen some of them. It's a show I know we'll catch up on, I'm just not sure when.

And this brings us to the surprise show of the season for me - Viper's Creed. The subbers are finally catching up and I've seen four episodes and will watch the next two later tonight. After the first episode, I was really unsure but I liked the characters enough (are we seeing a theme here?) that I came back. I liked the second and third episodes and then I saw the fourth and fell in love with this show. It took a character who'd been made out to be a greedy bitch who didn't care about anyone and made her a character to cheer for. It also brought our core cast closer together and gave the show some real heart. I'm looking forward to what this show will bring down the line.

I really do want to post my story here. Which means I should actually edit that last section again and get it to a place that I'm at peace with (because I just don't see myself ever being happy with it.)

I read a story today that was fantastic. The writing was solid. The depiction of characters I know so well was spot on. The slow slow build was exactly right (and I normally don't have the patience for slow burn.) That said, the author hasn't updated since November. Her last chapter completely gutted me. I was unprepared for it in every way imaginable. You know how there are people that you feel are just meant to be? That no matter what they go through, what they do to each other, they will find their way back to each other? It just doesn't feel right when they don't work out. It made me want to write them again. To write them happy, eventually. Who knows, maybe I will. I did start a story for them once after all.

I miss writing. I need to get myself back into the habit of doing it daily. For so long my muse had completely abandoned me, which is no excuse. But I'm easily frustrated and I expect more of myself than perhaps I am capable of. Still, the only way to write is just to write. I can't wait for the perfect line or scene or image to come to me. It's not always going to. I just need to do it. Perhaps I should start posting stuff here again, even if it's just drabbles like before. Something to motivate me perhaps.

Reboot

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 23:00:00 GMT

I used to be so much better at this. Well anyway, there was Christmas and New Year's vacation. Then there was yet another rush project. So now I find myself two months away from my last post and nowhere near where I'd planned on being.

In that two months I've accomplished a few things.

I finished Fallout 3. Yes it's true. First ever game I've actually managed to finish. I certainly didn't think it would be this one. The game is awesome. The ending is horrible. Was it worth my 60 bucks? You bet it was. I logged 93 hours and I enjoyed almost all of it. DLC next week, and in Feb, and in March...even if Bethesda doesn't see the point in lifting the level cap until the March release. Now I'm playing Fable 2. I kinda miss Fallout 3, especially for combat. But, on the bright side, I do have three wives...wait, is that really a bright side? ETA - I also know have a breeder husband so I could have kids. Two kids, Anne and Bryn. I'm not really really sure this is worth having to visit yet another spouse...

The winter anime season has started and I'm actually watching live, well semi-live anyway.

- Ride Back is my favorite of the season by far. True I've only seen two episodes but they were amazing. The animation is gorgeous. Rin (the main character) is so easy to get behind. And who doesn't like motorcycles with arms that can stand up on their two wheels and walk like people? The story leaves plenty of room for depth and heart. Plus there is the sadness, the history of our main character that provides just the right amount of angst. And then there is the political intrigue. A post-revolutionary world that you know Rin is going to get sucked into. I have very high hopes for this series.

-Maria-sama is Maria-sama. The characters are lovely, as always. The story is progressing slowly, as always. The drama is in daily life, as always. The only unexpected thing is how much I've come to cheer for Touko-chan. I never really liked her before, but in this series I have found myself rooting for her and we've not even seen much of her.

-Sora wo Kakeru Shoujo has been a pleasant surprise thus far. It's a Sunrise original and you just never know how those will turn out. The character design is a bit too Otome/Geass for my tastes but everything can't be HiME so I'll have to learn to deal with it. The story is a bit outlandish and I feel as though I've been plopped down in a world where everyone knows what is happening but me. Still, I find myself liking the characters and am intrigued by the grand space conspiracy.

-Maria Holic is a show I haven't really decided about yet. It amuses me, but I don't know that I actually like it. I feel as though I can already see where it is going and that makes it less fun. And yet, I watched the second episode. I just don't know. A story about a girl who thinks she hates boys thrown into an awful situation with a boy masquerading as girl at an all-girls school doesn't really sound like something I'd be into...

-White Album is a quirky show. It's method of story-telling is a bit disjointed and piece-meal. But the characters are incredibly likable. They all have depth and history and secrets. The dialogue is witty and sharp. The animation is pretty. I quite like this show even if I wasn't expecting to. More than anything I want to know more about the characters. Everyone has history that has been hinted at but not explained and all of it is interesting. Also, I think we may be on a runaway train here in terms of love and friendship. Can't beat it.

-Genji Monogatari Senneki is a show that caught me completely off guard. I knew nothing about it going in. Obviously when I was making the decision (back in November) about what to watch, it sounded interesting to me. I cannot say that I like the story. I cannot say that I enjoyed the first episode. And yet, it was such an oddly beautiful show. The animation style (though not a favorite of mine) really suited the show. I kept getting lost in how pretty the pictures were. The story in the first episode moved very slowly. It was a flashback episode to set up the main story arc and it felt forever long with very little happening. I understood the point, and I loved the subtly, the metaphor. I already know I will keep watching this show, even if it's not a story for me. There is something to it, a tangible ache almost, that stretched through the first episode. Also, historical dramas are for me, even if these sorts of love stories aren't.

-Kurokami is a show I almost forgot as I watched the first episode last week and haven't seen anything else. That I almost forgot it speaks only to my poor memory and not to the quality of the show. It is dark, very dark. We know how much I love dark shows. Though adorable little girls being run over by cars...not so much. The animation is slick. There is an underlying conspiracy. There is heartbreak and loss. And doppleganglers...well, not exactly but the premise is basically the same. I'm really looking forward to seeing more of this one.

I got mostly caught up on the MASSIVE backlog of comics and trades I had. I've read the nine volumes of Walking Dead out. I've read the five volmes of DMZ just in time for the sixth to come out next week...I think. I have really enjoyed the two volumes of Nova out. I'm still miles behind on Ex Machina and Fables. I've just ordered the next 8 volumes of Invincible as the first was so good. I got caught up on Young Liars, Air, Guardians of the Galaxy, Captain Britain and MI-13, and Greatest HIts. I've also picked up a few new series/minis that I'm really enjoying: X-Men Noir, Spider-man Noir, Mysterius the Unfathomable, Incognito, The Cleaners, Gigantic, Push, Shrapnel, and Unknown Soldier. I'm waiting on a few limited runs to wrap up before reading them like Magneto Testament and Eye of the Camera. I really miss NeoZoic which was one of my favorite series out there. Red 5 is having some problems though but there was another issue listed the January Previews so I'm hopeful. Madame Xanadu has emerged as my favorite comic consistantly. The art is just gorgeous and the story is always engaging. Buffy has been a disappointment to me for several issues now. It's Buffy so it is always my first read on the week I get it but I haven't liked the direction we've been heading for some time now. Unknown Soldier by Joshua Dysart is a book I think everyone should be reading. It's horrible. But any book about the war in Northern Uganda should be. The end of the third issue made me cry. It's a book that asks hard questions and doesn't turn away from the ugly side of humanity.

Finally, I've finished my first actual short story. Well, technically it's not done yet. I'm still editing the final sections. But it's all written. Nothing special really, around 20,000 words. It's a Christmas story that I didn't manage to wrap until last week. My first finished piece and it wasn't about Buffy or Spencer and Ashley. I certainly wasn't expecting my first finished story to be a Shizuru and Natsuki piece but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised they would win my heart in the end. I might post it here though it's quite late for a seasonal piece. Who knows.

As to the personal - the vacation time was nice. The rush project, not so much. But I'm back on my old project for now and hopefully will be for a while. Al's birthday is Monday so we're taking the day off. And on that note, I'll wrap this up. Hopefully I'll be posting a bit more frequently now.

I think I've found a purpose

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 00:19:53 GMT

お久しぶり

So, it's been awhile since this girl has seen use. Al and I moved. My 360 died and had to be replaced during the holiday game onslaught. My girls are in the 3rd round of the NCAAs. I cleaned out my anime try outs folder only to fill it again. I'm back down to six shows now and that's where my new purpose for this journal comes into play.

Since I pay for the pleasure of using lj, and because my backlog of unwatched anime (and unplayed games) is ridiculous, I've decided to use it toward those ends. Starting in January, I'm going to do something I've never done before - follow anime live. One of my favorite series, Maria-sama ga Miteru, is back on TV in January so I plan to watch it weekly as it is released. Before then though, I'm going to rewatch the first two series and the OAVs. I will be discussing them here so if it doesn't interest you, my apologies in advance. However, my thought is that if I use this journal to discuss anime, I will actually watch shows instead of simply collecting them.

I do not wish for this to be a blog that recaps anime. I certainly don't want to devote tons of space to screen caps from individual episodes and lay out the plot for each episode in detail. What I want is to bring my thoughts about the shows I am following here. To discuss themes and plot progression, story arcs and animation styles. Because there are shows that I feel have great worth, shows that have meant a great deal to me. It's an experience that I want to share and maybe some of these shows will intrigue you as well.

I would also like to talk about the games I'm playing and the books I'm reading here. It will keep me motivated and might even be occasionally interesting. I did buy several games for the 360 but have yet to settle on what to play. Probably Fallout 3 as it was my favorite of everything I've played. And, of course, there will be co-op Left 4 Dead!

So that's the plan. Who knows, I might even get back to writing again. I do have ideas swirling around in my brain, I just haven't been able to flesh them out yet. We'll see.

If I knew, then you'd know...

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:03:44 GMT

I re-read a short piece and got to thinking about some unfinished business. It's not great. It's probably not even very good. But it wanted to be written.

She doesn’t remember what it feels like. Trying to recall how her lips feel, she realizes that she’s forgotten. It’s been years. Sometimes it feels like much longer. But today, today she wants to remember. And, for the first time in years, she can’t.

It’s hurt, remembering. She’s been trying to forget. Trying, and failing. Today though, she woke up thinking of her. Thinking, and not feeling that ache in her chest. She’d dreamt about her. Nothing special, just a day in their life that never happened. But they’d kissed. It hadn’t been passionate or intense, just the brushing of lips, the slight sweep of tongue.

Upon waking, she’d tried to recall kissing her. How soft her lips had been, how they’d moved against hers, the way she’d nip her lower lip asking for entry. But she couldn’t conjure up those memories. Maybe trying so long to forget, so actually had.

She always thought that if she could just forget, everything would get better. That she wouldn’t wake up aching. That her heart wouldn’t seize up and her breath wouldn’t catch in her throat.

But on the day that she finally managed to forget, she remembered all the reasons that it wouldn’t make anything better. Because forgetting everything meant forgetting everything, and maybe everything was better than nothing. Because nothing left her aching and, perhaps even worse, nothing left her empty.

10 weeks ne?

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 14:43:39 GMT

Apparently I've been away for 10 weeks now.

I think that's a record for me. Well except for that year long hiatus I took last time...

Anyway, I appear to be back now. And I couldn't begin to recap the past two and a half months. I've switched projects at work again. Spain won the Euros. The Olympics are in full swing. Al and I finally bought DSs (blue and red respectively.) I've managed to collect a slew of old RPGs for the PS and the PS2 (many many thanks to Al for driving all over the place from EB to Gamestop to EB to Gamestop!) I've seen the last half of the final season of South (in French mind you.) Maria-sama came out in box final! FFXIII is going to be released on the 360 and we are THIS close to a date, I think. Enix is doing a third Parasite Eve game. Sierra is finally reviving the Wolfenstein series. The summer anime season has failed to impress though we finally managed to finish Simoun and the first season of Aria. There are good signs that El Caz may get a box here (oh I would sing!) The Prem starts back this weekend with La Liga soon to follow. CL qualifying has been underway and, in fact, Liverpool has a game today. Soccer, field hockey, and volleyball at UNC will all be starting back soon too. Oh, and hockey, can't forget hockey. And, yesterday, Sarah's first new single in years was released!

I apologize for the wreck of a summary. Trying to remember all the major stuff means that I write it as I think of it so there's nothing resembling an order.

I'm still writing weekly but it's been hard going and I haven't been thrilled with many of my efforts. There are a couple pieces that I'm revising and may post. There's even a piece that may develop into something more...but then how many times have I said that before right?

The Japanese is coming along slowly but, watching anime, it's nice to hear words and sometimes even sentences I understand. So progress!

Finally, I need to change out some of my avatars and make a new mood theme. I've been working on both off and on but it's time. I've closed the book on South, at least for now, so it's time for a change.

But now, back to work.

YOU (you know who you are) I have a proposition for you. Email me.

WCWS

Fri, 30 May 2008 12:29:33 GMT

So, the WCWS started yesterday.

Why yes, yes I did watch all four games.

I cheered for the Ragin' Caujins when they upset the #1 seed Florida. Florida, on the whole, underwhelmed as the number 1 seed.

I felt bad for National Player of the Year Angela Tincher when her 3rd baseman coughed it up in the 6th to cost Virgina Tech the game against A&M. Both Gibson individually and A&M as a team underwhelmed compared to their billing. Tincher gave the best pitching performance of the day, in my opinion (and I have not be that wowed by her as she is mostly a velocity pitcher.)

I hurt a little for 'Bama when a questionable four/fair, did she touch the ball or not call cost them the game against an incredibly underwhelming Arizona State team (this is the hottest team...seriously?). However, I was at least happy it ended the game in regulation as my team was playing the last game of the day.

And so it was, that an hour and fifty two minutes after we were scheduled to take the field that, what was billed as the showcase game, began. Two-time defending National Champions Arizona, in the hunt for their 3rd title in as many years and the glory of being only the second team to 3-peat, against their Pac-10 rivals UCLA, the only team to 3-peat. Arizona with 8 National Titles and UCLA with 10. 18 of the 26 titles available between these two teams meeting on opening day of the WCWS.

The first inning saw Arizona's hero from last year, senior pitcher Taryne Mowatt, field a soft roller and have what should have been an easy play at first for the out. What actually occurred was that she overthrew Banister at first allowing the runner to advance to second when she should have been an easy out at first. Then she allowed a hit that carried into center, easily scoring the runner from second. And that was the ballgame. One run, resulting from a throwing error in the bottom of the first and the game was over. Both Mowatt and Selden pitched well enough for their teams. Arizona was held to 3 hits and UCLA to 2. I wouldn't say either pitcher looked to have their A-game throughout, certainly Mowatt didn't as I have seen her pitch remarkably better. Still, the result was the same, 1-0 after 7 innings. Even with Schutzler on third, after a throwing error from Selden in the 2nd, Arizona couldn't bring her home to level the game.

And so, my team finds themselves in an almost impossible position: Win 4 games in two days to get back to the Championship series. Only two teams have ever come back from first day losses to win the WCWS. It is a very hard feat indeed. Yet I believe, that if anyone can manage it, it is us. We always seem to play well with our backs against the wall. And, in spite of her error last night, we have Taryne Mowatt. She rose to the occassion last year, putting in a spectacular performance. If anyone can help us get out of this mess, it's the girl that got us into it.

So go Cats!

You had plenty of time there was no rush
But it was your dream to be like us.
You're in dreamland so you don't care.
And as you wake, we're standing there.
You can't be me, I'm a rock star.

ETA: Yes I know I overused underwhelmed but that's really how I felt about the whole day. I just kept thinking it as I watched both individuals and teams that had been offered to me as golden gods. Underwhelming.

Well, it's Friday

Fri, 16 May 2008 13:45:10 GMT

Closing in. It's all that I want in the whole world.

Well, I've finished Gakuen Utopia Manabi Straight! and Mai-Otome in the time I've been away. We're watching ROD the TV now. Anita-chan and Hisa-chan are LOVE!

It's grey today and raining off and on. Lovely weather to go watch a W League game...but our girls are playing so it's ok. Noguiera, Anna, and the Ster! Good times, good times. God I love my blue...

Saturday is our three year anniversary! Do we have plans? Uh...we're cooking together which is major because I DON'T cook. Otherwise, I think it's just spending the day together. We don't really need to do anything super special because it's always special with her...uh...yes...well... Seriously though, three years, who would've thought? Certainly not me. I've never been one for commitment. Doesn't seem like three years though and I've never been happier than I am right now. It's a crazy world right? No one's supposed to get this lucky, certainly not me. Sometimes I still can't believe it. How she puts up with me, how well we actually work, how different we manage to be and yet...you know...only love. So yeah, three years and everything has been worth it and will continue to be so long as I get to stay by her side.

I love you.

Also, today is Comic Book day! I have no idea what's in our box...

Capping this weekend. I must start to tackle HiME and Otome. God the agony...but I have six new avs already for my trouble! And I'll be working on a Kuga/Kruger mood theme so...Also, must snag something from Blue Drop...so pretty! And Mari and Hagino...oh angst.

Finally point, Imogen Heap is LOVE. Closing In, Clear the Area, and The Walk are just a few of the pieces of lyrical (and musical) genius on Speak for Yourself. I know I'm painfully behind but you know me and my love of the endless looping of the few songs I know I adore (read as Hide and Seek)...Finally having listened to the whole album, it is fantastic! Seriously.

And now...HOME! As the 4 working hours of Friday are almost over!

They Don't Know I Burn...

Sat, 03 May 2008 05:07:13 GMT

The weekend...thank god.

Next week I'll be back on a normal schedule with my normal hours. No more 10 hour days...

I finished Strawberry Panic. Shocking I know. I'm currently watching Gakuen Utopia Manabi Straight! (with Al), Strawberry Marshmallow, Yami to Boshi to Hon no Tabibito, and Mai-Otome (with Al.) All for the first time...sort of. I've watched them all partially before. I'd really like to manage to finish them this time around. I'm also re-watching Maria-sama ga Miteru. It's coming out in box in July! I never thought that would happen.

Got GTA IV. It is GORGEOUS. Not like I've played much of the story. Just running around enjoying Liberty City a bit. And it looks ever better on the new Sony Bravia. Oh TV, how long I've wanted you...Borrowed Persona3. *Shrugs* What, I haven't even looked at it yet...

Writing is a bitch right now because I'm so far from the Spash space. If I could write in one of my animated worlds I would but that simply eludes me. Have I tried? Well...no. But I could never get Shizuru right. Oh Fujino-san, I have quite the crush. Surprisingly, my weekly drabble last week was super easy though. I haven't written this week but I already know what I'm going to tackle. It's odd. Things still come to me in bits and pieces. September is so fucking far away...

Comics are love. Truly. Rogue Angel, Madame Mirage, Neozoic, The Programme, Resurrection, and yes I am reading the Buffy Season 8 comics as well. Buffy...sleeping with a girl...DUH. Did everyone else just miss the sexual tension with Faith...

And yes, we really are learning Japanese...

Also, Michelle Trachtenburg was on GG??? God why am I so behind...even if I mostly loathed her on Buffy...

OH! Last thing I swear...Al's ring and my ring (and yes, that little picture actually has my text on it) if anyone is interested.

Because clearly...

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 10:57:56 GMT

So, two things I've discovered this week that made me feel, at the very least, slow and quite possibly stupid.

1. I have this uber awesome vid software that makes capping super easy. I've had it for over a year. Why am I just now realizing that I can actually use it to cap things? Well, at least I have new avs for my trouble...

2. The 360 can play avi files. All those episodes of anime that we've been lugging chairs in front of one of our desks to watch...Well, it's all updated and playing them as of last night and, can I say, they look oh so pretty.

Also, this weekend my parents are coming up on Saturday and we're doing dinner. Then Sunday, Al and I (because she is awesome and got amazing tickets) are going to see our new and improved US Women's National Team take on Australia in Cary. Please please please Pia, for the love of everything holy, start my girls. Please?

Now, the cause of my complete spazziness today: Al's ring is getting here tomorrow! It was very sudden. Like, nothing for weeks and then an email saying it'd be here by 10:30 tommorrow morning. Mine's been here for like a week so I was very anxious for hers to arrive.

Oh, we're also learning Japanese. Anime is a serious hobby for us so it seemed worth it to learn the language, both spoken and written. So far I know a few words and phrases. We haven't even started learning the Kana yet and certainly not the Kanji. We're starting that this coming week...along with getting more materials.

Finally, I'm on a new project at work which SUCKS. Why is not really important. All that matters is that it SUCKS. Training was Monday and we've been working late this week so we can leave at 8 tomorrow morning (which is now doubly good as I have to be there to sign for Al's ring.)

Wait, one more thing. So my resolution this year is to actually write one full length story, start to finish. Surprisingly, I have a lot of ideas to fill out the basic plot line I already had. But I've distracted myself and writing on Spencer and Ashley is quite hard when my focus is elsewhere. I honestly don't know what to do about it. South isn't coming back until September and I really need to get into it before then. Still, we all know how well forcing myself to work goes. I completely block myself out. I think, perhaps, I need to go back to my drabbles, remember why I love these girls so much. Maybe even watch some Season 1. I don't know when honestly as we're watching Mai-Otome now. But I have to keep prodding myself about it. I drabble in the universe every week. I pose questions to myself about the girls in the story. I don't know. There's just so much else in my brain right now...

Here, There, and Everywhere

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 12:05:25 GMT

Ok mostly just not sitting in front of my computer...

My back is finally kinda sorta better. So hopefully I'll be around this weekend some. If it rains, for sure I'll be in. If it's warm and sunny, well I can't say for sure.

But things, I have done things.

We watched all 26 episodes of El Cazador de la bruja. Nadie is my new hero. Just a normal girl, no super powers, who's willing to give her life to protect the girl she'll realize she's in love with. It was the character development that made this series. It wasn't Noir. Nothing will ever be Noir. It was lighter, fluffier, more relaxed, more character and less plot driven. It wasn't better than Noir. Noir will always be one of my absolute favorites. But it was different in a very good way. A lot of people found this series dull. It was slower to be sure. There was less action. Much more of a focus on detailing the main characters, on developing the relationship between Nadie and Ellis. And that is what made it so good to me. Often, character development takes a backseat and if you know me, you know that character development is what matters most to me. That and the ending...Nadie and Ellis. You have to see it to get it.

We also watched Blue Drop which is gorgeous and sad. It was also slower. More character episodes, not that much action. But Hagino...I really did love her. Mari drove me nuts, until nearly halfway through the 13 episode series. But there was a nice bit at the end. It really is gorgeous animation though. It's a bit harder to get through as it is heavy. It's hard to explain. It's not heavy like death and destruction and the world is always ending. It's just gloomy, like you know this cannot come to good.

And now we've returned to Mai-HiME. In which I remember, yet again, that there isn't enough Natsuki and not nearly enough Shizuru. Oh come on, you knew I only really loved the ShizNat. Speaking of ShizNat though, I finally found someone who can write them in-character and it not be either horribly stilted or just poorly written. And she can write them in verse or AU. And thus, I offer you the two stories I am reading now, both in progress but both still being updated: The Endless and Inter Nos. If you like the HiME/Otome characters, and certainly if you like Shizuru/Natsuki, these are worth your time. The Endless is a Sandman/HiME cross that is truly intriguing. However, you don't have to know Neil Gaiman's work to appreciate it. Inter Nos is set in the time of Ancient Rome, in which Hime is Rome. That you really just have to read. But the characters are perfect. They are spot-on in-character. That's all that should really matter outside of how well written these stories are.

And now that I've gotten carried away...the whole point was to say that I'm back and will probably be around this weekend. I have to get to work on my girl...that I haven't talked about...but that I actually have a pretty good outline for. Yes, yes she is a Spash story...

As a Reminder

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:49:39 GMT

This is just for me, so I don't forget...again.

BTVS

Buffy/Faith
Buffy/Willow
Willow/Tara

SoN

Spencer/Ashley

Popular

Sam/Brooke

HP

Ginny/Hermione

Firefly

Kaylee/Inara

AMC

Maggie/Bianca

Gossip Girl

Serena/Blair

FNL

Tyra/Lyla

Heroes

Claire/Elle

Veronica Mars

Veronica/Mac

Big Love

Sara/Heather

Once and Again

Katie/Jessie

Noir

Kirika/Mireille

Burst Angel

Jo/Meg

Maria-sama ga Miteru

Yumi/Sachiko

Mai-HiME

Shizuru/Natsuki

Kiddy Grade

Eclair/Lumiere

Strawberry Panic

Nagisa/Shizuma
Amane/Hikari

El Cazador de la bruja

Nadie/Ellis

Blue Drop

Hagino/Mari

McPherson/Mars 08

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 12:41:47 GMT

Seriously.

McPherson/Mars 08

or

Granger/Rosenberg 08

Just think about it.

(If you know, you know.)

This is what happens when I watch way too much West Wing

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 12:03:52 GMT

"Now, America's just another broke ex-superpower looking for a handout and wondering why."

I was trying to remember this quote for hours yesterday while watching The West Wing and pondering our current political climate. Honestly, I think Max got it right. Someday, we're going to be just like everyone else who ever tried to rule the world. I don't know when. I don't really want to speculate on how. But almost every day something else happens to shore up the belief that we're living on borrowed time. That we can only overstep our bounds but so much more.

I don't want to talk politics or policy. I don't want to delve into wars and the erosion of freedoms. I don't want to lay out specific human rights violations or discuss crumbling economies. Some things shouldn't be partisan. Some things should be obviously wrong or obviously right.

Everyone gets some things right and everyone gets some things wrong. But really, we get a lot of things wrong. Whether it's intentional, whether it's done with the best of intentions, whether it's done with indifference. We get a lot of things wrong. It's all these things we get wrong, that we keep getting wrong, that we repeatedly get wrong, that make me believe it's just a matter of time.

I've always been a realist, oftentimes a pessimist, sometimes even a fatalist. But I'm also a bleeding heart romanticist. I WANT to believe in my country. I WANT to have hope that things can change. I just haven't seen enough yet, not nearly enough. But I still want to. I'm still looking for it, looking for things that make me believe again. And I'll keep trying, keep fighting my pessimism as long as there are still things that make me want to believe.

But I'm still a fatalist about some things...

All I Have

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 03:52:18 GMT

So I don't know where this fits in the time line or even if it does. It's probably some future something. I dunno. I'm not even sure what, if anything, inspired it. I set out to write a drabble and ended up with 886 words. It's a little more than normal. I don't know how I feel about it. I've looked it over, I still don't know how I feel about it. Instead of keeping it and changing phrasings here and there I decided to just post it and be done with it. I promise nothing and I offer little...

"I can't just get over you."

Biting the inside of her lip, she meets Spencer's gaze for the first time since this conversation began.

"I know I'm supposed to. I know I made it seem so easy."

A deep breath, then, quietly.

"That was the biggest lie of my entire life."

Those blue eyes are unreadable and Ashley doesn't know if she can bear another moment of silence.

"The biggest lie? Really?"

Her expression hasn't changed, those blue eyes haven't softened, but Ashley can hear the surprise in her voice.

"Yes. I know. I've lied so many times. How can this possibly top the list? It's what you're thinking right?"

Spencer drops her gaze, shifts from foot to foot.

"Yes," murmured so softly Ashley only knows she's said it because she knows Spencer. Clinching her fist, she fights down the urge to reach out and cup Spencer's chin. To bring those blue eyes back to her.

"I know. The number of lies I've told you alone..."

She bites her lip, blinking hard. Because she remembers, every single time, she remembers. Only now she also understands why every single time mattered. Before it was just convenient. It made life a little easier. What she realizes now is that it only made life easier at the time. Everything after was so much harder.

"I know. It would seem...small maybe. But it's the lie I told myself, the lie I tried to believe, the lie I wanted you to believe. It's the one that I can't ever take back. It's the one that made you think I didn't love you, and maybe...that I never had."

Taking a deep breath, she steels herself, one last thing she has to say.

"But it was never even an option for me. From the moment I met you, when you ran into me and made me spill coffee all over myself, it was never an option."

"What wasn't?"

Spencer's voice startles her and she looks up into shocking blue eyes that steal the words from her lips.

"Uhhh...what?"

For the first time those blue eyes soften. Spencer shakes her head, an almost smile playing at the corners of her lips.

"What wasn't an option?"

It took a moment. Ashley continued to stare, completely lost, and then her eyes widened.

"Oh! Of course..."

Spencer giggled and Ashley smiled and, for a moment, they were 16 again just starting out.

"Getting over you, it was never an option."

But just as quickly, Ashley had broken their nostalgia, whispering the most important thing she would ever say.

"From that very first moment Spence, I was never going to get over you. It's why I came to find you in the gym after school. It's why it took me so long to admit that I wanted you. It's why I fucked everything up again and again. Because I knew that it was always going to be you and that scared me to death."

Sucking in a quick breath, she rushes ahead.

"And I know that makes no sense. I know it. But all my life, everyone has left. They've hurt me and then they've left. And I've never felt for anyone what I feel for you. I was terrified to lose you. Terrified that I would let you in and then you'd leave. And I knew I'd never get over that. I'd never get over you."

Spencer sighs, shaking her head. She takes a step toward Ashley, reaching out to cup her chin and draw her gaze upward.

"So you decided not to let me in at all."

It's not a question. Ashley knows Spencer isn't asking. She already knows that she's right. But she needs to respond anyway, to give her something.

"Yes. I thought that if I never let you in, I wouldn't ever have to lose you."

Quietly, pulling at her pinky.

"How's that working out for you?"

A rueful smile curls Ashley's lips and she looks away.

"Not very well. Not at all actually."

A moment passes between them, neither knowing quite what to say. Finally, Ashley breaks the silence.

"Spence?"

Spencer looks up from her hands.

"Yeah?"

"I'll never get over you."

A deep breath and she continues.

"I know I've lost you and I know it's my fault. I was stupid to think I could have you and not let you in. I was stupid to not let you in when all you ever did was let me in. And I can't expect you to give me yet another chance when all you've given me is chances and all I've given you is regrets. But you should know that I'll never get over you. From that very first moment, I never had a chance."

Another long moment passes and Ashley turns to go.

"Look, I said what I needed you to hear so I'm just going to..."

But she doesn't get to finish her hasty retreat as Spencer's fingers wrap around her forearm and pull her back. Pull her into her. Lips just centimeters apart, they share Spencer's breathed exhalation.

"I never had a chance either."

When they kiss for the first time in months, it isn't newly earth-shattering or axis-tilting. It always has been. Because they never had a choice, and they sure as hell never had a chance. But now at least, they both know that.

Down so long

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 04:09:11 GMT

It's like, where'd she go...

New project at work. Rush. 10 hour days. Not my choosing. It sucks. I'm sure the money will be nice but right now I just want my time back.

It's killing my brain I think. Nothing up there but coding and West Wing which I'm watching like 9 episodes a day of to pass the time. Well, not watching...listening to. Watching implies that I have the time to pop open the WMP screen occasionally and give it a look. I don't. But still, passes the time...

Hopefully just one more week or so of rush. Can't be much longer than that as there is the time press. I know, this makes no sense to anyone not me. I'm just going on a bit is all, feel free to ignore me.

Anyway, it's the first time I've touched my computer in a week. That doesn't seem normal. I'm completely lacking in creativity. I miss my free time where I could think, sit and listen to music, write. I had ideas...really...

But now they are canceling my show anyway...

Gives me plenty of time to catch up on Gossip Girl, FNL, and every single other show I've started and not finished...

Thank god for the weekend. Maybe I can get a little writing in. At least some extra sleep...

Eh

Sat, 01 Mar 2008 06:12:05 GMT

It's more like me. But it's...rushed and unedited because I'm freezing and achy and it's late. And yeah, South being canceled could have affected this a tiny little bit.. I don't know. The first line popped into my head and I just wrote. I never promised any of it would be good. And yeah, it's a very abrupt ending I know.

She thinks she’ll stay, for a minute, maybe two. This last decision, the one that found her here again, in arms she knows so well, was rash. But then again, she’d been thinking about it forever. Thinking about this, about this body, this warmth, this softness every single second since she left.

Another minute won’t hurt. How much more damage could she cause? This wasn’t forever after all. Who finds forever at 17?

It’s foolish really. She knows it. Because she foolishly believed in forever. Believed that this could be forever. Here, in these arms. But it wasn’t. How could it be?

Still, one more minute won’t make any difference. After everything else. After last night. After this morning. One more minute wrapped up in a lie that she never told is nothing. Last night was closure. This morning, goodbye.

Just one more minute. Wrapped up in a lie that she believed. A lie she still wants to believe. But no one finds forever at 17. And after all the lies she’s swallowed, she understands that now. Knows that this girl beside her isn’t forever, and she never promised to be.

Actually, thinking about it now, Spencer can’t recall a single promise that she made.

After all, no one finds forever at 17.

This Is The End

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 14:42:07 GMT

So it's official: today the announcement came that South of Nowhere has been cancelled. They will air the second half of season 3 and then we're over.

Honestly, I don't know how I'll feel when it's all said and done. When we've gotten our last few episodes and the end is really here.

Right now, as a fan who adored this show, I feel hard done by. I don't know precisely where to direct my anger and frustration. I feel strongly that a lot of the blame can be placed squarely on the shoulders of the network. But I cannot guarantee that every single thing that went so horribly wrong over the course of the show is entirely the fault of the network.

I know that I will elaborate later. Make a point by point case of how South lost the plot for me. But I can't right now. I guess all I can say now is that, regardless of the mess, I loved this show. I loved Spencer. I loved the idea of Spencer and Ashley. I loved where I thought Ashley could go. I loved what Kyla was. I loved every single ounce of potential that this show had to be amazing, and groundbreaking, and honest, and real.

I don't ever want to forget that.

So was it worth it?

Every single second.

Victory...victory for Zim!

Sat, 23 Feb 2008 04:19:34 GMT

Finally the nightmare ends! It was a labor of love and now it is finished!

Yes, I have completed my Spash mood theme.

I am very excited.

Sara, you are my hero for all of the awesome avs that you let me use for this girl. Right, so credit on the profile page but here as well in my celebratory post! isawsparkstoo makes the most amazing avs ever! Seriously. I can't, off the top of my head in this most exciting of moments, remember all the fandoms she has avs for, but it's several. So there's that.

Football tomorrow. And hockey. The weekend usual.

Oh, La Vie En Rose is AMAZING. Marion Cotillard gave one of the greatest performances I have ever seen. I mean...just...you MUST see this film. Even if you know nothing about Edith Piaf. Go, rent it or download it from itunes or unbox or something. But go. Now.

The Oscars are this weekend. Really?

Oh the update machine...

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 15:17:44 GMT

First things first, I have finally put a picture to every single mood on the LJ Mood Theme list. This does not mean that I am done. But it does mean that the hardest part is over. Now I just have to go through and make sure I'm happy with my choices and adjust if I'm not. So it's a big deal, even if I'm not done. But by Sunday I am determined to have it loaded and ready to be used.

That has sucked up a great deal of my time. Seriously, hours per weekday. But it will be worth it. No I didn't work on it at all this weekend. I watched soccer and hockey. Same thing I do every weekend because soccer is serious business for me. I watch the BPL games, La Liga games, Serie A games, and Bundesliga games. I follow a lot of teams and just enjoy watching the game. Sure I'm doing other stuff while the games are on, but most of the weekend involves the TV being on. And obviously I cannot focus on my mood theme and ANYTHING else. Great weekend for the Rangers! Horrible weekend for Liverpool. End of story.

Writing...yeah I'm still doing it. Every week. And I keep meaning to type the drabbles up obviously but that hasn't happened yet. I will get to it. But I've got an idea, an actual idea with plans. Something in line with what I'm doing in my drabbles. Filling in the blanks of two and a half seasons of South. And we have A LOT of blanks. So what I'm seriously considering is retelling the story, specifically what started out being Spencer's story. Following the same timeline and remaining within the canon I've been given. But fleshing it out, filling in the holes, addressing issues that were unfinished or that just disappeared. I realize this isn't original. But it's something that matters a great deal to me. I guess it just goes back to my feeling that, somewhere along the way, we lost the plot a bit. But this is a serious idea for me. The first real idea that I've been able to flesh out. So we'll see how it goes.

Also, I'm still shuffling through Roswell and Gossip Girl. I still adore Roswell. I still heart Serena. I like Blair only marginally more than when I thought she was a complete bitch. And sometime this week I'm going to watch La vie En Rose and Paris, Je T'aime.

As a final word, Champions League is back! 4 games today and 4 tomorrow! Awesome! Better if we manage to beat Inter...

Labor of Love

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 19:50:42 GMT

So I've been doing three things really.

Watching Roswell.
Watching Gossip Girl.
Working on my new mood theme.

No seriously. I come home from work, work out and watch either Roswell or Gossip Girl, eat dinner, shower, and sit down to work on the mood theme. I remember now why I got so frustrated last time. 271 pictures and I still feel like I'm lacking. Maybe I should be less picky. I need another icon for either sleepy, groggy, or exhausted. And full. I don't have anything for full. And I really want this one image that I just don't have. If you know the show you'll know the one. When Spencer walks out on Ashley after she's told her she chose her. And the kid is just standing there on the verge of tears and she does this fist clinching thing. Gah. But anyway...

This thing is a bitch. She'll be gorgeous when she's done. And I'll be super proud [not that I actually had to find the pictures this time (Sara, you are my hero!) but the choosing is a nasty business ya know.] So it's like 3+ hours a day.

Oh, just to put it out there. I have been online. I'm covert ya know? ;)

But the real point here is that the damn thing has like taken over my life. I'm determined to finish it by Sunday night. Partly because I want to have it for use and partly so I can't agonize over it anymore.

Also, I need to get the rest of the drabbles typed up. That comes after the mood theme is done though.

I cannot tell you how much I missed Roswell. Oh good times! Max and Liz...how cute are they?

And Gossip Girl. Oh Blake Lively...It's really slick. Perfectly packaged. So far I find Blair to be a bitch. That's a problem I realize and I'm sure once I get further in that will improve. But Serena...so fucking awesome! And Jenny, don't sell out kid.

The first in a long while

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 02:01:01 GMT

So it's not exactly what I want. But it's what I've got at the moment. It's still rough in places. I can't quite wrap it up in the end. For now though, I've done all I can. It's old school. I'm actually working on character development and fleshing out the time line. I know, I know. I've been saying I'll do it forever. Well I actually am now. Somewhat...

"Why don't you want to talk about it," Ashley asks, never looking up from her magazine.

"I told you," Spencer replies, obviously frustrated, "some things are personal. I don't think it's something we should be sharing with the entire world."

Ashley shifts, laying her magazine down on the bed. Rolling over, she looks up at Spencer.

"So don't tell the world. Just tell me." Her brown eyes darken and, after a moment, Spencer drops her gaze to the comforter.

"Why does it matter?"

Ashley sighs. Sitting up, she finds Spencer's eyes again.

"First times matter. They change us. Even if we think they don't. Even if they suck. Even if we don't want to remember them and rush headlong to the second time and the third time and..."

Spencer tilts her head, stares into dark brown eyes.

"But why does my first time matter to you," she whispers, never looking away.

A small smile curls Ashley's lips as she reaches out to tuck a stray blonde strand behind Spencer's ear. Her hand lingers a moment and she holds Spencer's gaze before she responds.

"Because you matter to me."