You know me and my girls.  My beautiful soccer girls.  I live and die with that team.  Rebuilding years suck ass.  Stupid fucking NCAA seeding sucks ass too.  Yes, obviously I'm still bitter about it, even with the College Cup weeks over.  Us playing ND in the 3rd round is fucking stupid.  And not funny you NCAA bastards.  Seriously not funny.  So yeah, we lost.  It was a HORRID game.  We mostly sucked and who knows how much of that was not having Tobin and then having Tobin at much less than 100%.  Girl's amazing.  But anyway.  They scored on us twice in like two minutes.  It was embarrassing.  Beyond embarrassing.  But we managed to scrape a goal and a penalty (a correct call by the way.)  Game would've been fucking tied if the linesman had been in the right fucking place.  But no, ND girl is like miles offside (literally the worst offsides miss I've seen in the college game.)  But the linesman wasn't level, wasn't even close to level with her...so the goal was allowed.  And we lost 3-2.  On our home fucking field.  Just caps off a bizarre season that started with a home loss and saw us lose three games including one in ACC play.  But I do have hope as we're getting Ali back and we really only have to replace ONE defender...so there is that.  Plus Ali loves Blue Crush and Will & Grace....

And I don't want to talk about how hard Nebraska sucked in the tourney.  Some of the worst volleyball they've ever played.  And with that squad...it's just sad. 

OH!  But Tobin did make the 15 player shortlist for the Hermann...as a sophomore...in a year when her performance wasn't as awesome as it could be because of our team play.  Just give the damn thing to Lauren Cheney please...UCLA mostly underwhelmed in the College Cup but Lauren Cheney...and DiMartino.  Just...give it to Lauren ok?  I don't think I can bear two years in a row of evil people.  Like last year...I don't even want to talk about last year...move the fucking date...whatever.  We won the title anyway.

Anyway, lots of time to think and ponder and panic and grow angry and depressed and way too involved in the lives of fictional characters.  But the show, it gives me reason to worry.  Because if you can tell me how we get from naked Spencer to Spencer kissing a new girl without assassinating Spencer's character...

So that's my real concern.  New girls, Ashley (almost) kissing boys...why?  What purpose do these fucking contrivances serve?  Drama?  I don't need this ridiculous and illogical kind of drama.  Spencer can be many things.  But she is not the kind of girl who just has random sex that doesn't mean anything.  She's not a friends with benefits girl.  She's not a "that was a mistake" kind of girl.  She's a "I know exactly what I'm doing and why" kind of girl.  She's not going to sleep with Ashley as thanks.  She's not going to sleep with Ashley because she want her but not a relationship.  Sex matters too much to her.  Ashley matters too much to her.  So why the fuck is there a new girl?  Because Ashley is a lot of things but I will not believe she runs again.  She was finally growing up, figuring it out.  She gets how much Spencer means to her and how important it is to keep her this time around.  It's not selfish now.  It's true fucking love for once.  So how do I get a fucking new girl?  They have to ruin somebody for this and I'm sick of it being Ashley.  Mostly I'm terrified it's Spencer and they can ruin everyone else (and have) but not her.  I don't think I can forgive that.  Not for all the "I love yous" and roses and candles and sitting in laps in the world.

The new promos are...annoying.  I mean, hooray for the awesome Spashleyness in the one.  With everything being good and happy and perfect.  But then new girl and Ethan and Kyla apologizing and consoling Ashley...I don't know what to do with it.  But be worried.  And I don't want to be worried about Spencer.  I shouldn't have to be worried about Spencer.  I want "I love yous" that actually ring true.  That aren't used when everything is falling apart.  That really mean something.  I want roses even though I hate flowers because Ashley doing something sappy like that...girl's completely gone.  I want candles and couches and sitting so very close because it's affection, it's everyday.  It's what we always wanted and never got.  The girls being the girls.  The girls being in love and acting like it.  I want those things, not new girls and Ethan and consolation.  So I guess...I have to hope for something that I just can't see.  Because if I spend all this time from now til April thinking about what they'll probably do...I just can't.

I guess it's all the more frustrating because the girls were finally headed in the right direction.   Spencer has really come into her own.  She knows who she is.  She knows what matters to her.  She's standing up for herself and the things that matter.  She's the Spencer I always knew she was.  And Ashley is finally developing into the girl I always knew she could be.  She's getting over herself.  She's focusing on other people finally.  She's understanding that you have to give to get and that letting people in is the only way to have a relationship.  She's making the right choices, being patient, being honest.  She's doing the little things this time around.  And how do you fuck that all to hell?  For the sake of drama and suspense?  Fuck drama, it's beyond overrated when it's cheap and makes no sense.  I love the girls I have now and I don't want to watch any more characters get wrecked, certainly not Spencer.  And haven't we done enough of this already when it comes to Ashley?  Seriously, figure out something else, something that keeps them in the characters they're developing into.